Why I don’t want to get married

I was going to begin this post by describing what marriage means to me. When it came to writing it, I got a bit stuck, so I asked google: “what is marriage?” Did I really just ask Google? That confirmed it.

Ok, so it’s not that I don’t understand it. If two people love each other then this is normally the ‘done thing’. The idea of families coming together to witness two people declare their love and say their vows is undeniably, a beautiful thing. I completely get why people do it, traditions, family expectations, security, or the most common (which I hope) because they are madly in love and want to. 

I completely respect that for some, marriage is something they have always wanted to do, some who may have never thought about it until they met “the one”. But for me, I’ve never really wanted to. And this is quite clearly why I wasn’t able to begin this post with what I think of marriage, what marriage means to me, because it doesn’t mean very much.

I grew up wanting to find my life partner, the father to my future children, my soulmate. But I didn’t grow up dreaming of my big day. The dress. The decorations. Instead, unity in our own home, a foundation for our love, our trust, our friendship. Those were things that were on my wish list. That was what was important. 

I didn’t go to many weddings growing up. I wasn’t raised by married parents. l was brought up by just my mum but she was always honest about my dad, why he wasn’t in our lives, why they were no longer together and their divorce. But this didn’t ever put me off. But who know’s maybe somewhere down the line it sort of made me not so interested in it, but certainly not consciously. 

My partner, Larry, the man who I met at uni, the man I do life with, Arlo’s dad, my best friend, also isn’t bothered about getting married. Phew.

Just before our graduation

Commitment doesn’t always have to come with a ring 

Finding out I was pregnant, securing our mortgage, that for me was commitment. (Read how we were able to move into our first family home). These two life-changing commitments gave me and still deliver so much security and commitment. Commitment for me is an on-going thing, something you continuously prove to each other, through every thing you face together. Having a ring, saying our vows, will not make me feel any more committed than I already do.

To hear the wedding bells, you’ve gotta pay those wedding bills 

A wedding just doesn’t make any financial sense for us. Our savings went on our home. We are still young and of course this may change in the future but right now the cost of a wedding just doesn’t make any sense. Any money we now want to save, I feel I’d definitely want to go on other things. 

Cheers to us 

There are other ways to celebrate us. A date night (what even is that? It’s been forever!) Maybe a glass of wine and a film is more realistic. We could throw a big anniversary party or plan a getaway just the two of us. My point is, we can celebrate our love in other ways, it doesn’t have to be a single day. 

As we get older lots of people around us will settle down, I suspect we will have lots of weddings to go to but I hope this doesn’t put any unnecessary pressure on us to get married. I don’t want to do it for the sake of it. I don’t want to do it unless we truly we want to do it. As long as you’re happy, isn’t that the most important thing?

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